“Hey, lady, is this your building or what?”
Kaylee had been so distracted, she’d lost track of the entire ride to her apartment. She’d spent the trip wrapped in Brandon’s arms in the back seat, but staring out the window at the buildings going by. Three times Brandon had asked ‘are you sure you’re okay? You seem really nervous’. She was shaking, to the point where it was noticeable by touching her arm. She told him she was just excited, but truthfully she really was terrified.
Kaylee had a step by step plan mapped out in her mind. Roxy and Risha were both out for the night, so she had the apartment to herself. Kaylee was infamous for over-planning things, especially when they made her nervous. Brandon had to find out completely on her terms; her safety depended on it.
“Yes, thank you,” she responded. They got out of the car and entered the building hand in hand. Her palms were wet and warm with sweat. She knew he could tell and hoped he still just chalked it up to excitement. They entered the elevator. The apartment was on the tenth floor. Kaylee wanted to push him against the wall and get the party started early, but the big reveal was only minutes away and she was just trying to keep herself from panicking.
The door opened to an empty hallway. Her unit was halfway down on the right. Kaylee could barely feel her legs beneath her. Ever the worrier, her mind envisioned every horrible way this could go. Would he yell? Would he try to get violent? Her plan accounted for all such scenarios, but she knew men put in this particular situation were highly unpredictable.
“This is me,” she said as they approached the door. She already had her key in hand. He lovingly kissed the back of her head as she slid the key into the lock. Kaylee paused and took a breath. He’s so wonderful. I hope he’s not about to leave me. “Give me just a second before you come in, okay?” she requested. “I gotta fix something before you see the place.”
“Just don’t be long,” he said with a smile.
With that, she slipped through the door and shut it behind her. Holding her breath, she turned the deadbolt, locking him out.
“Um…Kaylee?” she heard from the other side. “Did you just lock the door?”
“Can you hear me okay?” she asked. Her voice was cracking as the tears started. Holding back the panic was exhausting, and now that the time was here she couldn’t keep the wall up anymore.
“Yea, I can. What the fuck is this about? Are you crying?”
Kaylee leaned her back against the door. Her apartment was dark. A faint light from the hood over the stove shown like a beacon with no other lights to contend with it. She could see the twinkling of the Charlotte skyline out the window on the far wall. Her fists clenched and she took a deep breath. “Listen, Brandon. I like you a lot. Like…you have no goddamn idea how into you I am.”
“This is kind of a weird way of showing it.” It sounded like his confusion was turning to annoyance.
“Look, if this night is going where I feel like it’s going; where I really, really hope it’s going; there’s something about me you need to know.”
“And you have to tell me through a door?”
“It’s for my protection.”
“Your what?! Why would I hurt you?”
“It’s kinda a big deal and I don’t know how you’ll react.” Kaylee explained. A small tap echoed through the door. It sounded like he’d placed his palm on it.
He sighed, and there was a bit of a groan hidden inside it. “Kaylee. I really like you. I feel a strong connection between us. I can’t stop thinking about you. Whatever it is you’ve got going on in your life, I’m sure it’s nothing we can’t…”
“Brandon, I’m transgender!”
She just blurted it out, pushing the words as they stayed fearfully on the tip of her tongue like a skydiver with cold feet. Her revelation was followed by an eerie quiet, which amplified her pulse beating loudly in her head. Kaylee didn’t breath. She tried to imagine what kind of face he was making right then.
“What?!” Brandon finally said. He didn’t sound angry or enraged, but he was definitely confused.
Kaylee let out a long exhale. “I…I’m transgender.”
“Like…actually transgender?”
“Yes.”
“Like, you’re really a guy?”
Kaylee cringed. “Jesus Christ,” she whispered to herself.
“No, wait. I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry. I’m…I’m just kinda shocked, you know.” There was a pause. “You’re really trans?!”
“Yes!” she exclaimed. Now the frustration was seeping over to her end of the conversation. He was making a sound like muffled laughter and it made her heart ache. Was he about to mock her like she and her friends did to that poor girl back at school?
“Holy shit…wow!” he said loudly. “I had…no fucking idea. Like, not a single clue.”
“Really?” she asked. A small smile cracked her tear-soaked face.
“Hell no.” He was laughing now, but it didn’t sound like he was mocking her. “I mean, you’re tall, and I thought you were a little stocky looking for a woman, but I never thought you were trans.”
“I’m hoping that was a compliment.”
“It’s at least meant that way.”
Kaylee took a moment to compose herself. There were several different emotions conflicting inside her mind, and she needed to focus. “Brandon, look, if you feel lied to or anything, I can’t say I blame you. I wanted to tell you, but…” The tears returned and she lost her composure. “You were just so cute, and you seemed so into me, and I’ve never had a straight guy look at me that way or treat me that way before. I didn’t want it to end. I still don’t want it to end.” She hung her head and slid down a little further against the door. “But, I understand if you do. If you want to walk away now, just go. I’ll never call you again.” She shut her eyes tight. “If you do, just know I’ll never forget you.”
There was another pause. Kaylee’s ears were on high alert, searching for any sounds from the other side of the door; footsteps, voices, anything. But there was only silence. The longer he waited, the more in pained her to know he was wrestling with the decision. It was so quiet, she heard the breath he took before finally speaking.
“Will you please open this door?”
“Are…are you staying?”
“Yes, Kaylee. Yes, I’m staying. But I’m tired of talking to a door when you’re sobbing on the other side and I really want to hold you.”
Kaylee rushed to her feet so fast she nearly tripped. It took four tries to grip the handle of the deadbolt and turn it again. Her fingers shook. Her breaths were deep and fast. The bolt clicked away and the doorknob turned beneath her hand. He was doing that part for her. She stepped back, letting the door open and the light from the hall fill the entryway.
Brandon rushed through the door and through his arms around her. Completely spent, Kaylee collapsed into him. She sobbed uncontrollably. Brandon held her up from beneath her arms, lowering the both of them down to their knees. He placed his left hand on her head and gently stroked her hair. “Hey…hey…it’s okay.”
“I…I was so scared to tell you!” she said through hysterical tears. “I didn’t know how you’d react or if you’d be angry or if you’d try to hurt me or…”
“Were you really worried about all that?” he asked, almost laughing.
Kaylee raised her head. Her cheeks was caked in mascara. “A part of me was, yes.”
“Well, I’m not going to do anything bad. I won’t say I’m not more than a little shocked and I definitely need a moment to process this, but don’t for a second think I’m going to hurt you or anything.”
Kaylee was so relieved that her tears turned to laughter. “How…how can you be this goddamn perfect? I mean, it shouldn’t be possible.”
He laughed with her. “Can we go sit down before we finish talking this out? I feel like we’re doing a tornado drill of something kneeling in the doorway like this.”
Kaylee stood and flipped on the lights. “Couch is that way. I need to go to the bathroom and compose myself first.”
Brandon gently kissed her on the forehead. “I’ll be waiting.”
As Brandon plopped down on the couch, Kaylee retreated to the bathroom. Turning on the light blinded her temporarily, but muscle memory and a familiar lay of the land helped position her in front of the mirror. She was a mess, cheeked streaked with makeup and puffy, red eyes. Kaylee had spent a lot of time trying to determine how he would react to the news, but she never considered how she’d react to his reaction. She placed her hands on the counter and took a deep breath.
Time to get it together, Kaylee. He didn’t freak out, but that doesn’t mean he won’t need a lot of shit explained. You gotta get in there and clear the air. She pulled a makeup removing cloth from the dispenser and proceeded to wipe clean the disaster on her face. Once finished, she took a deep breath and shook out her arms. With a pivot of her feet and a turn of the knob, Kaylee reentered the living room.
Brandon was on the end of the couch, legs apart, arms limp at his sides, and head back. She could only imagine what was going through his head right now. “Are you okay now?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said softly with a smile.
His head popped up and his arms met on his lap. “Good, because I have a ton of questions.”
She laughed. “And you’ve more than earned a ton of answers.” She sat on the seat across from him. At first she thought about sitting next to him, but this conversation needed to be face to face. If the night continued its streak of good luck; cuddling, and hopefully more, would come later. She crossed her legs and put her hands on her knee. “Fire away.”
“Have you had surgery?”
His bluntness took her aback. She figured that would be one of the questions, but god if he wasn’t coming with an uppercut right after the bell. “Wow,” she started out. “Normally I decline to answer that but, seeing how I think we were both planning on fucking tonight…” She laughed and he didn’t, so she returned to a matter-of-fact tone. “No,” she said, half sounding defeated.
There was a small but noticeable cringe in his eyes. “So, that means you have a…a…”
“I do,” she said.
“Wow,” he whispered.
“I know it was the last thing you were expecting tonight…”
“Understatement of the year.”
“But, despite what chromosomes I have or how my genitals look, I promise you, I am a woman. I always have been.”
“That I don’t doubt,” he replied. His hands rubbed down his face before returning to his lap. “You look like one, and despite the bombshell you just dropped in my lap, I gotta say I still think you’re a pretty hot one.”
She smiled and looked away to hide her blushing cheeks.
“But that leads me to my next question: what have you had done? I mean, I doubt you’ve looked like that your whole life.”
Kaylee brushed her bangs out of her face. “I very much have not. Well, I’ve been on hormones over two years. That softened my skin and lightened my body hair.”
“Did it get rid of your beard?” He cringed again. She could see how awkward this was for him, but it made her all the happier that he was willingly pushing through it.
She shook her head. “No. Laser hair removal took care of that. I worked with a vocal coach to raise my voice, and the rest has just been diet and exercise.”
He looked puzzled. “Nothing else?”
“No.”
“Well, what about your…your…” Brandon put his hands out over his chest.
Kaylee laughed. “Oh no, no augmentation. These tits are all natural.”
“Really?”
“Yep; a result of hormones. Trust me, if I were buying them they wouldn’t be this small.”
Brandon leaned back and put his right arm on the back of the couch. “From what I can tell they look just fine.”
She blushed again. Her finger danced around her knee playfully. “You think so?”
“Well, I mean, I can’t tell with your shirt on.”
Her skin suddenly felt hot. Was he seriously flirting with her again? Could it all really be this easy? “Well,” she began as she slowly stood, “I can maybe do something about that.” Kaylee pulled her tank top over her head, revealing her bare stomach and lacy, black bra. She had a little belly to her, but wasn’t fat and had a nice figure; at least she thought so. From the look in his eyes, he agreed.
“Not bad, not bad. I still don’t have a clear picture though.”
Kaylee strutted towards him as she reached behind her back. Her fingers made quick work of her bra strap. The cups popped away and dangled from her shoulders. She lowered her arms, letting the bra come with them and expose her nipples. Her bra fell on the carpet and she stepped over it.
Brandon’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared. “See, they’re perfect.”
She felt her loins burning. Her leg muscles twitched, eager to straddle his lap and pick up where they’d left off earlier. She was right in front of him now, her shins on either side of his left knee. His eyes stayed fixed upon her had he undid the button of his pants and slid down the zipper. Kaylee bit her lip in eager anticipation.
“What do you have to show me next?” he asked in a seductive tone.
Kaylee unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans. Her thumbs wrapped under the waist at her sides and started to push. She stopped a couple inches down and looked back at his eyes. “Are…are you sure.”
He nodded.
“Like…really sure?”
He smiled. “Show me.”
Kaylee held her breath as her jeans slipped down to her thighs. The bulge under her red panties was in full view, and knowing that made her feel numb. She stayed locked on his gaze, trying to read his thoughts in his eyes as she lowered her pants to the floor and stepped out of them.
Brandon leaned back and cocked his head to the side. “Now…that is a woman.”
“God I want you to fuck me!” she declared through gritted teeth. Before he could answer, Kaylee pounced on him. Her legs straddled his lap as her hands pinned his shoulders back. Her desire was uncontrollable. Her hips grinded against his lap as her lips descended upon his neck. As she softly bit on his skin, his hands locked onto her hips. They moved in motion, rocking in a sultry rhythm that consumed her. Kaylee lost all control, giving in to every instruction her carnal desires gave her. She gasped for each breath as she moved on top of him.
It took her a moment to realize that his hands had fallen away. Then she noticed his hips had stopped moving. She sat back, putting her hands on his shoulders and giving him a puzzled look. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“You’re…you’re hard,” he said. There was no desire in his voice. He even averted his eyes when he spoke.
“Yea,” she said in confusion. “It does that when I’m hot and bothered.” That when the final clue clicked in her horny brain. “But…but you’re not.”
“Look, I’m trying, okay?” he said, almost begrudgingly; like he was doing something required rather than desired. “It’s just, something I gotta wrap my head around.”
Kaylee’s heart sank. She could feel tears again behind her eyes and she cursed herself. You stupid, fucking idiot. How could you be this dense? Did you really think he’d just magically be okay with all of this?! She fell off his lap and curled up on the other end of the couch. Her legs were tucked up into her stomach. She tried to hide herself; to hide her body; to hide that cursed thing between her legs. She thought back to earlier at his apartment, how his cock sprang to life after only a few kisses. Here she was, practically naked and throwing herself at him, and he didn’t want her.
Why would he want me?! Why would anyone want me?! I’m a freak!
“Kaylee”, he said as he re-zipped his pants. “I just need some time, and then maybe I’ll…”
“Please, just go,” she said meekly.
“You don’t have to…”
“Just go, please!” she begged. With her eyes shut and her face buried in the throw pillow, she didn’t see him stand. She didn’t see him walk softly back to the door. She didn’t see him turn the knob or open the door. But she did hear him mutter ‘I’m sorry’ before he shut it behind him.
